Showing posts with label ydhte. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ydhte. Show all posts

Friday, August 4, 2017

You don't hear that everyday

Man,77,arrested after dousing girlfriend in sex lube

A 77-year-old Florida man doused his 72-year-old girlfriend in “sex lube” after his request to get intimate was rejected by the victim, police allege.
According to an arrest affidavit, Roger Archambault squirted the lubricant “all over the victim’s shoulder and neck” around 11 PM Friday. Archambault, cops said, “wanted to have sex with the victim” and acted “when she denied him.”

I could be wrong but you gotta get the lube in the right place papaw.
If you need lube you ain't the dude.
Some peoples grandparents I swear.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

You don't hear that everyday

East Texas man pulled over on stolen shopping scooter

- Police in the East Texas town of Longview made an unusual traffic stop this week.
52-year-old Edward Dickard was pulled over after police say he stole a motorized shopping scooter from the local Walmart Wednesday morning.
Police say Dickard just drove right out of the store with it. A little bit later, they spotted their suspected scooter thief driving it down U.S. Highway 259 just north of the city limits.

What no DUI?
I was thinking this would be an alcohol related situation.
Some peoples kids.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Can you hear me now?

Businessman is saved after calling brother from his grave

A Russian businessman buried alive in a Moscow graveyard called his brother to beg him to pay his debt and get him freed.
Khikmet Salaev, 41, was kidnapped following a financial dispute over an alleged 30 million rouble (£410,000) debt, according to Russian media.
He was then dragged to the edge of Lyubertsy cemetery and buried alive - face down - but allowed to keep his mobile phone.

Pretty cold blooded right there.
Damn russkies are a diabolical bunch.
I predict a phone commercial anytime.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

You don't hear that everyday

Probably overdosed on smoked turkey.
Some peoples kids.

Couple unknowingly drives onto interstate with drunk man on trunk

It's a story almost too strange to be true.
A drunk man passes out and goes for a ride on the trunk of a stranger's car down a busy Memphis interstate, and neither the drunk man nor the driver knew it.
It's amazing this man didn't fall off the car and get run over.
He is lucky to say the least. The man crawled up on the back of the car with a trunk that's only about 14 inches wide.
He was apparently curled up and passed out. Thankfully an MPD officer spotted him, but not before he went on a ride that he doesn't remember; a ride the driver will never forget.
"There's no way to describe it. It's unbelievable," said Carl Webb.

This why you don't back in to your parking space.
I don't think I've been that fucked up before.
I could be wrong bout dat do.
I wonder if Wirecutter has been?
Damn whiskey!

Thursday, April 27, 2017

You don't hear that everyday

This can't be good.

United Airlines investigates giant bunny death

United Airlines is investigating the death of a giant rabbit which was being transported on one of its planes.
The 90cm-long bunny, called Simon, was found dead in the cargo hold when the flight arrived at Chicago's O'Hare airport from London Heathrow.
Reports in UK media say the 10 month-old giant rabbit was being delivered to a new "celebrity" owner.
United, which has had a torrid few weeks of bad publicity, said it was "saddened" by Simon's death. 

My guess is this is another unfortunate involuntary reaccomodation.
They better hope Simon has no death signs of a trauma type nature.
The hits keep coming for United.
Sucks to be them.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

You don't hear that everyday

Woman assaults mother with cheeseburger

Police are investigating after a woman assaulted her mother with a cheeseburger at an east-side McDonald's.
Indianapolis Metropolitan Police were called to the McDonald's at 21st Street and Shadeland Avenue around 12:30 a.m. Sunday.
The two women got in a fight after the mom told her daughter she could no longer stay at her home, said IMPD Officer Aaron Hamer. The mom drove her daughter to someone else's house, but on the way, the daughter changed her mind about where she wanted to go.

It's a surprise she didn't want to share her crib with such a glorious offspring.
Some people's kids I swear.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

You don't hear that everyday

Car launches 210 feet onto frozen Minnesota lake,driver survives

ALEXANDRIA, Minn. — The fact that 38-year-old James Sundby of Wadena is alive after driving his car off an embankment, flying over 210 feet of open water and coming to rest on the ice of Lake L’Homme Dieu is what Alexandria Police Chief Rick Wyffels calls a “miracle.”
After surviving the crash, Sundby apparently waded through the frigid lake water and then in and out of a nearby home before law enforcement could find him.
At 3:28 a.m. Saturday, the Alexandria Police Department received a call reporting that a man had shown up in someone’s home covered in blood and stating he had crashed his car.

Holy sheepshit Batman.
Lucky fucker.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

You don't hear that everyday

Drunken man demands free enchiladas at Forney restaurant,bites off ear of friend who tries to stop him

A man is accused of biting off his friend's ear in a drunken fight Thursday night after he didn't get the free enchiladas he wanted from a Forney restaurant.
The suspect, from Terrell, went into Cowboy Chicken, 780 E. U.S. Highway 80, about 9 p.m. and argued with an employee over chicken enchiladas, witnesses told
The Terrell man, who was reportedly intoxicated, became belligerent after he was denied free food, according to a police report obtained by the site.
His friend, from Forney, tried to get him to leave, but once they were outside, they started fighting, Forney police.

Wow enchiladas the least tasty thing on Cowboy Chickens menu.
I could see demanding the twice baked potatoes or creamed spinach.
Some peoples drunks I swear.

Monday, August 15, 2016

You don't hear that everyday

Woman,34,repeatedly kicked boyfriend in the face after he refused to have sex with her

When her boyfriend refused to have sex with her, a Florida woman repeatedly kicked him in the face, an attack that has landed her in jail for battery, cops say.
According to an arrest affidavit, Jennifer Furguson, 34, sought a 6:30 AM tryst Wednesday with her beau inside the couple’s Port St. Lucie residence.
The victim, who has been in a relationship with Furguson for two years, told police that “Jennifer became upset at him when he refused to have sex with her this morning.”

Remember kiddos don't smoke the crack with anybody from Florida.
Those motherfuckers are wacky as fuck.
Jeesh the women I meet get pissed because you don't wanna get a joint checking account and shack up the second week you've known em or you know you never call them when you say you will.
They hate that shit.
I haven't been kicked in the face yet but then again I'm not in Florida.
Something in the water down there.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

You don't hear that everyday

90 year old man tells cops hooker ripped him off

AUGUST 5--A 90-year-old Massachusetts man was arrested for soliciting a prostitute after he called police to report that the woman stole a piece of jewelry after he paid her $100 to perform a sex act.
When cops told Nicholas Salerno that he would face a criminal charge for admitting to hiring a hooker, the nonagenarian replied, “I don’t give a fuck. I’m 90 years old for Christ’s sake.”
As detailed in a marvelous Dennis Police Department report, Salerno dialed cops in late-June to report that he had paid Karen Proia, 48, for a sexual encounter in his home. Salerno said that he got Proia’s first name and phone number from a friend who reported that he “paid a girl one hundred dollars for a blowjob.” Salerno added that his unnamed pal assured him that the woman “would do it for him too.”
Salerno said that he paid Proia $100 for oral sex. Upon her departure from his home, Salerno said that he discovered a gold chain missing from atop a bedroom dresser. Salerno said he waited a week to report the theft because he “wanted to give Karen a chance to bring the necklace back,” police noted.

Some peoples papaws I swear.
The ole hooker with a golden heart trick.
Rookies gotta learn I guess.
Viagra making old dudes dumb like young ones. 

Thursday, July 28, 2016

You don't hear that everyday

There is such a thing as too much love and too much drugs.
She probably asks him where he's going when he needs to take a dump.
Probably chats him up through the door.
My guess is they have a very sophisticated communication system set up in jail.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

You don't hear that everyday

Sword pulled in Pizza Roll dispute

JULY 27---For the second time this month, tasty, tasty pizza rolls have figured in a police arrest.
On Sunday afternoon, cops in Norwalk, Ohio busted Travis Vartorella, 21, on an aggravated menacing charge following a confrontation in his apartment.
According to a Norwalk Police Department report, Vartorella “pulled a sword” on Trystan Mesenburg, 20, a former roommate who had returned to the residence to retrieve some of his belongings.
Mesenburg told cops that after arriving at the darkened apartment with his girlfriend, they began gathering up his items. “As soon as I grabbed my bag of pizza rolls,” Mesenburg told cops, Vartorella “came out from around the corner” with a three-foot sword.
With the weapon in his hands, Vartorella claimed ownership of the frozen treats and demanded that Mesenburg “leave his fucking pizza rolls alone” before things got stabby, police report.

I was hoping it would be in Idaho.
Folks dig these Pizza Rolls I don't get it.
I love this food fight shit.
Some peoples kids man.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

You don't hear that everyday

Naked Missouri couple rode stolen lawn mower in broad daylight

A couple is facing felony charges after they were spotted riding a stolen lawn mower in the nude at 8:30 AM on a Missouri road, records show.
According to a police report, Tanya Hopper, 40, and Larry Webster, 55, were busted last Tuesday following the bizarre incident near the city of Joplin.
Responding to a 911 call about a naked man driving an orange lawn mower with a nude woman in his lap, Jasper County Sheriff’s Office deputies encountered Hopper and Webster in front of a friend's residence. The riding lawn mower was parked outside the home.

The old stolen clothes while skinny dipping trick.
Remember kiddos don't do the meth.
Some peoples kids.
Show me your idiots.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

You don't hear that everyday

North Carolina couple arrested for assaulting each other by throwing tasty tasty Pizza Rolls

Meet Brad Beard and Samantha Canipe.
The young couple was arrested early yesterday for attacking each other with pizza rolls inside their North Carolina residence, according to police.

More food shenanigans I love it.
As for Pizza Rolls being tasty I must say I find them inedible.But that's just me I don't judge if you dig em.
The pic is just what you might be expecting insert Foxworthy joke at any time.
Some peoples kids.

Friday, March 18, 2016

You don't hear that everyday

Woman stabbed husband for not getting out of bed

A South Texas woman has been charged with aggravated assault after police say she stabbed her common law husband because he wouldn't get out of bed.
Officers were called on Wednesday to a Corpus Christi home where the husband told police that his common law wife, 39-year-old Melinda Hinojosa, had hit him on the head with a pot and punched him three times in the face.
 Police say the man told officers that Hinojosa then grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed him in his left hand.

Damn the luck I was hoping the name would be Cavanaugh.
Pushed his luck and procrastinated the honeydo list. 
That pisses em off real good.
The joys of co-habitation I hope to never experience that again. 
But lets face it I probably will someday just not right now.
Being free can be lonely but I cover up the sadness with copious amounts of loose women,whiskey and drugs.
It's terrible I tell ya.
That is all.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

You don't hear that everyday

Newlywed Squabble Involved G-String, Dancing, Making Mess While Cooking Dinner

But wait there's more!

Upon returning to his Florida home early Sunday, Edgar Chasen found his husband of three months “dancing around the house in a ‘G-String’” while cooking dinner and “making a mess.”
For reasons not described in a police report, Chasen subsequently confronted spouse Michael Wilson “about looking at Homosexual porn, and talking to other Homosexual men in a chat room on his cell phone.”
After Wilson, 37, denied perusing porn or talking to other guys, he allegedly got mad and pushed Chasen into a wall in the couple’s Sarasota home.
While not injured, Chasen swore out a complaint against his husband, who was acting erratically and appeared to be “under the influence of alcohol and or drugs,” cops noted.

Ain't marriage great guys.Be careful what you ask for part eleventy billion.
I'm guessing the tax benefits of being married aren't outweighing the negatives at this moment.
Maybe it's just me but I would actually enjoy my spouse making dinner in a g-string and making a mess.
If she's tipsy and happy even better.
If she's tipsy and not happy not so much
Too each his own I guess.
That is all.